Some people like to think October is the beginning of something. A new season begins at the drop of a leaf, and the greens and blues become golden hues. I've always liked the fall, but I hate the month of October. October is the fall I'll never rise above. I used to pretend we we fall asleep in September and wake in November. October is just a bad dream in my self-manifested subconscious. Unfortunately, the twister of fates has snuck upon me...what a fiery, devilish month. No wonder it possesses the day of the damned. Then again...aren't we already? I sit from my twenty story bay window, completely surrounded by the homogenous sight of tall structured buildings-and I count their stories one by one, until I begin to fragment them together in a flowing epic/mini-drama (depending on my mood). Oh..not the buildings of course--the people--the passerbys, who stammer around on their hurried ways.

Mr. Fastfood Delivery Boy

Everyday I see him in the same tattered black pants and orange shirt. What a spectacular uniform he wears, but he doesn't mind the glowing spectacle he wears day to day. At least he doesn't get hit by the endless seam of traffic spilling over the roadways of Shenzhen. I wonder what he's thinking. Did he go to high school? Probably not. I like to pretend I'll order food from his work one day, and we'll have a conversation...but he's always rushing about so quickly. I doubt he'll have the time. People like him rarely care to exchange thoughts...they'll settle for the exchange of money. However...one day I watched him go into a building with only one sack, and he left one hour later. I thought he might live in my complex, but he left looking disheveled...like the morning-after look of bedhead and wrinkled clothing. Three more times and the same thing. Does he have a girlfriend here? Today I went into the garden for a short hop around the time of his arrival, and I saw it. The "it"of course refers to his reason--his justification for being here. His eyes glowed like red embers, and his pupils were large. He was here to use drugs. Perhaps that's why he always rushes around...thinking about nothing...completely passive....obedient....and yet still oblivious to his place in the world. Rather, perhaps it his knowledge of his place in the world that makes him desire to plunge into an intoxicated tranquility and forget. At least in China the druggies are among the employed?

Today...today, I want to scream until the blue hues of my widened eyes become a savage yellow... until even my echo can shatter stained glass windows...until the world screeches to a halt in the middle of rush-hour traffic...I want to scream until I can't scream anymore....

My trip to China began in haste. I moved here..to Shenzhen--this city by the sea--with nothing. I hadn't a job, admittance to school, or a place to live. The only thing I had was a one-way ticket to Hong Kong, dwindling confidence, and a couple pieces of luggage. What I found was something more than wonderful. Landing acceptance to Shenzhen University, a two bedroom apartment across the street from the university, and a job teaching English at a high school, I felt like I was on top of the world. Unfortunately--as I quickly discovered last week--Newton's Laws of Physics exist even in Chinese sub-realities. I came tumbling from my the high point of my life and down a flight of stairs on a pedestrian bridge near my apartment one evening on my way to meet a friend for dinner. I was injured and wanted to return home. We were in a semi-remote location so it took a long time for her to flag down a taxi. I sat under the bridge waiting in pain. A police officer saw me and came over to see if I was okay. I explained that I injured myself, but a friend would help me home. He didn't understand me, and the next thing I knew I was surrounded by 10 police officers (on foot, bicylce, motorcycle, and car). I knew I had to prove I was okay so I decided to walk and demonstrate. I fell twice. Two minutes later I was in the back of the police car being escorted to a nearby hospital. They X-rayed my ankle and told me not to walk for two months, which would have been okay if they would have given me some crutches. Unfortunately I didn't have the money with me to buy the crutches, and China doesn't accept promises to repay. I took a taxi home, and I hopped the 372 steps to get into my apartment after I was dropped off. No wonder the bums use skateboards.